NOBODY LIKES ONIONS
Newest Stuff

Secret Shows

Members Only – 420 Awards (2023)

November 10, 2023

Help ring in Patrick’s birthday for real for real by watching the latest edition of Daddy Derek Savage’s latest edition of the 4/20 awards! He’s just four months late this year! The latest iteration of Derek’s delusional dream has the best production value ever, and we are here for it. Will Steve Pearl do another HILARIOUS standup set to no applause? How many times will Derek raise his white power fist? Will Cool Cat show is face? What if this awards show becomes the sleeper hit the nation has been waiting for? Only time will tell if this man’s desert dreams will ever come true. …

DEVITO vs. ZUMOCK: Two Cleveland Nobodies Battle For Irrelevance

November 7, 2023

It’s time for one of the most idiotic battles in comedy! Who is funnier? Will it be career felon, failed radio disc jockey and all-around woman repellant Chad Zumock, or the sunsetting simpleton with troubled toes, Ray DeVito? You don’t care? Join the club! Chad set this up as an excuse to keep appearing on MLC and vanquish his most obvious competition for daddy Kevin’s love, while also padding out his calendar between one nighters all over the Florida swampland. One thing is for sure – this will be an unorganized competition of tools, with no clear winners other than the MLC podcast and it’s listeners who will ultimately revel in the sad display of machismo by two inept men who don’t realize the fight left them a long time ago. …

MERSH is BIG In Vegas: A Startling Exposé!

November 3, 2023

Somewhere in the poorest part of Florida, a fat short lazy-eyed guy sits in scotch-soaked pissy sweats and tells the world how it really is! Mersh attack Patrick, bragging about some trip to Vegas involving slap fights and Spirit Airlines flights. It’s a weird flex but we are here for it. …

Members Only Show – October 20, 2023

October 20, 2023

I am not above this, I am far below. Welcome to a Friday night, welcome to a show. My name is Fatty Patty, and I am the king of trolls. I’m coming for your SJ, and only for the LOLz. I am far above this, I take back what I said. We will play with John a little bit, but then we’ll leave him dead. HIT THE LIKE BUTTON YOU FAT FREAK! …

Diagnosing A Dipshit: An MLC Stream Sniping Event!

October 19, 2023

Come join Patrick in a free and safe environment to share your opinions without ridicule! Watch as Chad Zumock does the bare minimum to earn his fee, dodging and twisting, bobbing and lying, deflecting and obscuring facts the entire time. Will Kevin hold the Florida Fatty’s feet to the fire? Will the Z-Man finally be recognized as the broken and damaged loser that he is? Let’s all point and laugh at this tumbling has-been together! …

MLCuck: October 17, 2023

October 17, 2023

Kevin Brennan has gone too far this time! Wait until you hear all about it! Just kidding! Clickbait alert! Just a bunch of dudes afraid to touch tips until the sun goes down. Check back later for hot man action! …

Members Only – Comedy Shaman Debuts & Quits NLO – October 14, 2023

October 14, 2023

It’s Saturday night and the mood is right! Join Patrick and a chat room full of weird degenerates as they reinvent super stickers, get closure on Jared’s dog and so much more! We watch our buddy and pork preacher Comedy Shaman attempt to school everyone about podcasting and show the world how to get back to the old shock jockery. How does it work out? Watch the latest adventures of a man trying to be a guy! …

JAREDGATE: Help Your Dog Go Towards the Light!

October 13, 2023

Patrick pops on late night Friday to do a little showgram, and Jared aka the homeless hero aka the Oregonian mood-melter brings the chat down immediately with tales of his sick and dying dog. Patrick and other members of the chat try to help, but grow increasingly disturbed by Jared’s lack of urgency and care in helping his four-legged friend find peace. Patrick’s computers mysteriously reboot after trying to move on to another topic, and then the power cuts a minute later. Divine intervention? Hacking? Some things are not meant to be. …

October 3, 2023 – Fans Are Getting INSANE! Summer Sinclair BOMBS! Melton MELTDOWN!

October 3, 2023

Come join Patrick and a cast of puppet characters as they act out the entire Wizard of Oz! You’re going to love the way Dorothy sings the hits! Seriously grab a Starburst and sit grandma by the air conditioner because ish is about to get fire af tonight boi! No seriously though, who knows what could happen. Patrick has so much dirt he could build some sort of dirt business or something! …

ONION AMBASSADOR IS BORN! Joey C Don’t Make His Own Sauce!

October 2, 2023

You can’t plan this kind of brilliance! Patrick gets high! Joey C stream snipes! Christina C calls in to tell the world how nasty her rot pocket is! Joey C defends himself against the casual racism of SbuxxAmbassador, and Patrick decrees SbuxxAmbassador to be his official mouthpiece for the rest of the show. The epic battle of wits between these two northeast tough guys will run you through a guantlet of emotions. You’ll scream, cry and laugh away your pain! It’s one chill and relaxed night for Mr. McMelton, but the product speaks for itself! Join us for a wacky ride before Patrick fades away faster than Chad sipping Tito’s from a botter wottle! It’s Friday night, you ain’t got no job, and you ain’t got shit to do! Join the Onions! …

BONUS! Liar Liar Shows On FIRE!

September 26, 2023

What a day, what a way! Let’s have a drink and discuss opportunities for growth and improvement. We all need to take a deep breath and figure out what’s real, what’s spin, who’s out and who’s in. Is Rob Saul full of complete poo? Is Chris Ables obfuscating the truth to protect his ego? How much of what’s going on is being cosigned by Shuli, his producers, or others on the network? With all the rumors and misinformation swirling, we could all benefit from laying it all out in the open and just seeing what’s what! …

VIOLENT Vegas Comic BUTCH BRADLEY Pulls Gun On Girlfriend!?

September 22, 2023

Comedian Butch Bradley went on the Misery Loves Company podcast with Kevin Brennan recently to tell his version of what happened in the past with Patrick. In the process, he publicly slandered Patrick several times with statements that he knows are false. Butch accuses Patrick of stalking, death threats, harassment of himself and his family, and much more. Who is more of a danger to Butch’s loved ones? Patrick, who doesn’t communicate with Butch at all and hasn’t in five years, or Butch himself? Did Butch pull a gun on his girlfriend in 2021? Did she call 911? Wouldn’t it be a shame if someone got ahold of the emergency call and police report? What would happen to the career of Las Vegas’ funniest comedian as well as the reputation of The Strat casino and the LA Comedy Club if the evidence of prostitutes, drugs and domestic violence come to light? Look out, Butch! Winter is coming! …

BONUS SHOW – September 16, 2023

September 16, 2023

Patrick attempts a cold open for the ages, with a lot of remorse, emotion, passion and anger. What will you think of this super-original art piece? We check in on our favorite walrus Corey, who seems to be trying something new with YouTube yet again. Like his counterpart Josh Denny, he can’t seem to stick to anything and therefore never gains any traction on social media. Now he’s driving and eating on camera while offering almost no wit or entertainment. We also get a phone call from Sketti Tooth reporting about her recent experience at Chad Zumock’s comedy shows in Dallas. It’s everything you could ever want to hear in a Chad report! …

Members Only Show – September 15, 2023

September 15, 2023

We have so many loose ends to tie up, but Patrick has forgotten all his nautical knots! Will this thing ever be seaworthy or will we all end up entangled in waste? Join Patrick, his imaginary friend Ferdinand, and a cast of ghosts as we sing the hits on a special Member’s Only Friday night fun-along! …

WATCH PARTY! Hell’s Coming For You – A Handicapped Hellscape!

September 7, 2023

Join Patrick and Tim Chizmar in the chat as we watch and do a real-time review of Hell’s Coming For You, the hit independent feature film from fail-comic Dillion Dilligaf. A man in a wheelchair with a calm tone is a secret badass who goes on a killing spree against a bunch of contemporaries when he learns they’re trying to take him out. Come laugh with Patrick and friends at this absurd movie. Take your edibles now. You’re going to need them! …

SPA SHOW! Get Wet, Dwerbs! (September 1, 2023)

September 1, 2023

Splish splash, I was taking a bath
Long about a Saturday night, yeah
A rub dub, just relaxing in the tub
Thinking everything was alright

Well, I stepped out the tub, put my feet on the floor
I wrapped the towel around me
And I opened the door, and then a
Splish, splash, I jumped back in the bath
Well, how was I to know there was a party going on? …

MEMBERS ONLY: NO POORS! Let’s Take This Up a Notch! 🤑💲💵💰

September 1, 2023

The week is over, but the drama has just begun! Let’s kick it! Patrick takes heat for doing a spa show and has the sunburn to prove it! Chad Zumock does what he does best – STEAL! Chad gets $1K to do a pool show, and now this poor mofo has to find a pool! Make a sauna appointment! Kevin Brennan is losing his mind of other people’s money and also has tons of comments about stuff he doesn’t have right! Patrick has had enough of the hack challenges that anyone can do. Tonight it gets tooken to the next level. Patrick lays out the challenge. …

© Copyright 2005-2023 Nobody Likes Onions