Page 33 • NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

NLO 1439: Separated at Girth

November 1, 2022

Patrick is joined by a doppelgänger live in studio. Don’t adjust your graphics cards. Sean Conway is here and Patrick is gonna make him pay for it. We kick off the show with Alex Ansel pulling pranks. We then dive in to a story about Sean wanting to do his laundry at Patrick’s place. It seems simple, but there’s a workflow issue that Patrick can’t let go. Find out how long two people can argue about something neither cares about. A new idea for a business has emerged in the back of Patrick’s brain that could save people a lot of money. Patrick screamed at a stranger at the dog park recently and it felt really great. Sean does a lot to live up to the racist stereotypical Aussie loose unit. …

SPECIAL: Hunting of the Ghost

October 24, 2022

Nobody Likes Onions is proud to present one of its deep dives! For fans of conspiracies and the mentally ill, Patrick is proud to present Casper ThaComic, Las Vegas's very own bad-boy rapper turned chuckle cuck. But who is this comedy newb who showed up in Vegas pounding his chest? Agent O has provided the show with so much information on the previous career attempts of this young try hard. Before his fledgling attempt at comedy for the past 9 months, Casper ThaComic was Casper ThaGamer, and before that, he was Casper ThaGhost, a lower-tier battle rapping nerd with the sporadic cadence of a Tourette's school marching band. We go through the battles, from the rap stage to the gaming console, both virtual and verbal. The cringe is real

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NLO 1438: Under the Rug

October 24, 2022

Is there news from the desert sands of Las Vegas? Thai Rivera prepares to eject from the Las Vegas comedy scene once and for all. What’s next for comedy’s favorite little disaster magnet? Pour a warm tea and join us, won’t you? Patrick briefly addresses why he won’t be discussing the recent incident that occurred at his comedy “special” taping. Occasionally on the show we have to hide some things and backtrack. Have you guys heard the one about the two guys who don’t know what they’re doing starting an open mic? Thai Rivera has so much time on his hands that he goes over to David “Hollywood” Hulett’s place to sit in his kitchen and record an episode of The Paprika Show, Las Vegas’s hottest new meh-cast. …

NLO 1437: Pause Your Emotions

October 21, 2022

Free popcorn to the first eight people in the chat! Patrick is off to Colorado to run some content. Diaz Mackie calls out Patrick for downloading his special. Lots of hot BBQ talk. Patrick reveals an insane rumor about a recent brawl on the Las Vegas scene. We have a bombshell coming soon about Casper that you won’t want to miss. Josh Denny wants credit for a joke he said earlier. Anthony Cumia and Gavin McInness have had enough of Josh Denny bringing weird losers around their shows and roast him on Compound Media. Apologies to Angie Krum for revealing her joke theft. Thai Rivera is turning in to a skull before our very eyes and seems very confused about his own confidence. Patrick breaks down why Thai won’t ever have massive success in comedy. …

NLO 1436: Hot Chicken & Cold Engines

October 20, 2022

granpapa set aside for emergencies! Patrick’s back with a whole bag of new “meh” for you to twiddle your little brains about. Patrick is concerned about fans who donate with unrealistic expectations. Patrick has a new favorite chicken spot. Is anyone else getting too fat? There’s some hot takes on the death of the queen and the integrity of the powerful. What is going on in the world? Steak is too expensive and everyone is broken. Smart people are believing insane things. Ryan Bourassa lashes out about his recent allegations of atrocity. Thai Rivera has learned some more video editing tricks and he can’t stop making manic home movies. …

Trouble in Vegas AGAIN!?

October 19, 2022

Pull up a Thai and order some chair. Patrick predicts an ending to the Thai Ocha Open Mic live streams and fanfare very soon. We are watching the slow train wreck that is Casper's ego collide with the ever-changing permitter of Thai Rivera's insecurity. It could blow at any moment. We still don't have time for new people. Patrick thinks Vegas is turning him sour. A comedy club in Vegas has a real problem with their videos. Patrick calls Ocha Thai to see if the open mic is cancelled or if Thai is genuinely in hiding. We cover a recent violent incident on the Las Vegas comedy scene which involves a past NLO lolcow getting popped and locked. Patrick reveals never-before-seen messages from Trouble in Vegas.

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Aftershow 1435: Ghost Hunting

October 10, 2022

Casper the Comic might be more insidious than we originally realized. Regardless of his intentions, the overconfidence embodied by this dude is beyond cringe. We dive in to Casper and start to also explore a new potential curiosity named Amaru out of Lansing, Michigan. Agent O has submitted quite a few new case studies to our little museum of oddities, and we plan to get to them all. Be patient while Patrick meanders the mazes of mystery laid before us. Everything in due time. ow drink your medicine and say your prayers. Night falls soon.

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NLO 1435: A Night of Apologies

October 10, 2022

Patrick is fresh off his appearance on the Laugh After Dark podcast and he’s going to spill all the dirt. Our chat room members are all hiding something. Patrick has a big announcement about the Overdose to kick off the night on the right foot. There’s a word of warning for people thinking about home invading Patrick in the future. Johnny Brim spent his Monday trying to find enough signal out at Hoover Dam to post multiple cope fits about the recent show that covered his roast with Casper. There’s been a giant misunderstanding and tonight we get to the bottom of it. Johnny Brim shows up in the chat and the boys bury the hatchet like gentlemen of means. Casper the Comic might be more insidious than we originally realized. …

BONUS – Vegas Comedy Specials, Ahoy!

September 21, 2022

We are holding Laugh After Dark accountable to the standard of other Las Vegas comedy specials. Adam Dominguez. Skillz Hudson. The comedy cube is on fire! We check them all out. Patrick tells the story about getting drunk with Todd Glass in Tampa years ago. We fire up Amazon Prime and purchase Diaz Mackie's special to see what standards are being set in Vegas comedy. It seems like our old pal Trouble aka Artemio Rios aka Gutter Breath aka Coke Throat has produced and put together a night like no other for the taping of this release. But has the special caused a riff between Trouble and Diaz? How did Diaz do? How does it look and sound? Did they pay to play copyrighted music in this thing?

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BONUS – Thai Tries: Kill Tony FailFest!

September 20, 2022

Let's watch Thai Rivera's latest blunders and his appearance on Kill Tony, which is a show where rich comedians throw garbage at poor comedians. Will Patrick have his logo fixed? Who knows! Your guess is as good as the next them's. Patrick is coughing a lot. He challenges the chat room to a BBQ competition, and our old friend Steve Curran is offended at the notion. Thai does a new video in which we get a glimpse of some of his professional camera equipment. He also boasts about how he didn't edit the latest episode of Unbothered, which allows us to get glimpses of his life in his sad studio, filled with flies and an air conditioner that doesn't work. He also complains of car trouble and tells the tale of the worst mechanic "in the world."

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BONUS – Allegations of Bourassment

September 19, 2022

Set your oscillospheres to fun! Let's clarify the extent to which this program goes after people. Johnny Brim is upset. A refresh of the whole Angie Krum situation - no hard feelings involved. We find something called The Paprika Show, hosted by Thai Rivera's favorite pianist, David "Hollywood" Hulett. We somehow go on a deep exploration of Ryan Bourassa, who pretends to be some successful YouTuber and has other dummies in the comedy community fooled. Ryan explains the reasons he has recently withdrawn from the comedy community. We've never seen more sad lies and coping from a pale stick-boy.

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NLO 1434: Gato Genial

September 15, 2022

Patrick is here with a basket full of life lessons that are sure to apply to you somehow, so grab a spork and dive in. We kick off the show talking about people who go gray at a young age, and how embarrassing it is to try to hide it. Patrick has some new creations from Daddy Derek Savage and Cool Cat. These videos are short and disturbing, and are sure to make you feel better about your life. We watch Big Irish Jay’s infamous “blacks joke” and decide if it’s racist. Patrick taks about Josh Denny and Gavin McInnes trying to prank their audience with a fake raid by the authorities. It’s a fail of such giant proportions that it has to have been concocted by Josh behind the scenes. …

NLO 1433: Johnny Go Brrrrr

September 13, 2022

You’ve been missed, children! Patrick is back from NYC, Scotland and Lake Tahoe and he has stories. So much has happened that we need to discuss! There’s new comedy specials, from local friends and big stars. Patrick has heard a super-sad sprinkle of a rumor through Agent O reports about a beloved member of the Las Vegas comedy community. Patrick can’t stop watching the creations of other Vegas comedians. Thai Rivera has appeared on an episode of Kill Tony, so he can’t edit out his ticks! We watch a mentally ill local Vegas guy named Johnny Brim who, for some reason, thinks he’s a savage comedian, but more closely resembles a lonely fat boy on a playground who’s not sure who to mimic to fit in. …

NLO 1432: Soylent Green Comics

September 8, 2022

Patrick is off to NYC and Europe for a few weeks, so don’t get your bunch in your panties about it. Patrick cannot get over the comedy groups in Las Vegas, and the clueless people who constantly post their insane creations for no discernible reasons. The Comedy Cube is tricking comedians left and right in to doing comedy in a warehouse in Los Angeles. Andrew Schulz is circling back to grift his dumb fans with his special for the second time, and they’re lapping it up! Saudi Arabia is out of control and is vowing to build a whole city in a narrow mirrored glass strip in the desert. It looks like a disaster that can’t possibly function before ground is broken. …

Aftershow 1431: Laugh After Dark, Mark Seritella

September 8, 2022

atrick continues his questioning of Robert E. Lee from Laugh After Dark. Patrick has been offered a comedy special taping and he has some complicated demands. The chat gets in on the action. Rob tips off Patrick that something has gone wrong at the Comedy Supernova show according to Jozalyn Sharp's social media. The show is booked and run by Mark Seritella, who Patrick had an awkward interaction with in 2012 and the relationship went south from there We dive back in the archives to watch the awkward show unfold at the mention of Mark's receding hairline. It all becomes unhinged more quickly than anyone imagines. Was Patrick fair to Mark? Is Mark a good person?

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NLO 1431: Laugh After Dark EXPOSED!

September 7, 2022

Sorry for the clickbait title! Patrick talks about receiving an offer to do a comedy “special” for the fine folks at Laugh After Dark. His self-esteem is not at a peak, and he thinks the idea of doing a comedy special in this climate is crazy, as well as his complete inadequacy when it comes to quality and quantity of comedic talent. Rob, one of the producers of Laugh After Dark, joins the chat because apparently someone has tipped him off about the discussion. Patrick runs a bunch of insane requirements and ideas by Rob, who seems more amused by some than others. Two things are clear – there will be a standing ovation and there will be a performance by the UNLV drumlins. …

BONUS – White Knights & Dark Times

September 7, 2022

Patrick can't believe people watch this program. What's wrong with you? Go outside and play with a ball or climb a tree or something, We are being very careful on this program not to mention certain substances so we don't get demonetized. Thai Rivera is accusing Big Irish Jay of stealing jokes from some very well-known comedians, but we can't find one thing on the internet to back him up. The Las Vegas comedy groups on Facebook are full of the weirdos trying to get you to make an album or clothing line for some reason. Corseted Comedian Dee Lila is out on these streets selling worn panties and bottled urine. Josh Denny can't stop stealing copyrighted music for his little iMovie projects.

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NLO 1430: My Niece in Florida

August 25, 2022

Patrick doesn’t feel like doing a show, but you mean so much to him, he’s gonna do it – probably. Patrick is frantically preparing travel plans to get on the road and do some shows this summer abroad. Thai Rivera may be done streaming his open mic, as he continues to send his baby birds, aka open mic mid-wits, to do his bidding online and beyond. Comics need to stop saying they kill all the time. Somehow Patrick gets lured in to discussing all the pressing hot topics of the day again, and we are mostly talking about the ending of the tiny ones. Patrick invents a new character, Neil DeGrasses Diceman. Patrick learns he doesn’t even know what he’s wrong about. …