Aprils magic bean Archives • NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

MELTON in the MORNING! (May 12, 2023)

May 13, 2023

It’s a tumultuous Friday here at the Onion, and Patrick brought the stamina to endure. The chat is arguing and working Patrick up in to a frenzy today, with strong feelings about Chad Zumock, Kevin Brennan, Ray Devito, Bob Levy, Shuli Egar and more. Why does everyone hate Chad so much? Why does everyone pile on to Shuli? Is anyone even redeemable anymore? The constant polarization of popularity is hurting the Dabbleverse. Bryan Johnson (Tell Em Steve Dave) calls in to clarify some details about his appearance yesterday and the history of his relationship with Bob and Shuli. We watch an interview with CORNdiff and Chad Zumock. Steel Toe continues embarrassing themselves by begging fans to buy their overpriced and under-researched coffee. …

MELTON in the MORNING! (May 11, 2023)

May 13, 2023

Patrick is fairly ill, but is going to attempt a show. Please don’t make him raise his voice. It’s not very nice, and he hasn’t really had a voice for a day and a half. Can’t we all just get along? Apparently not. The MLC and Chad stuff is just getting sad and the superchats are drying up! Will we survive these dark times? How will we ever go on? Patrick proudly launches Steel Toe Morning Show unlicensed merch, including hoodies and t-shirts that will make you scratch hard. Patrick has a new special coming out and you get to decide if it’s good or not. Chad Zumock calls in to give us his daily thoughts. The Steel Toe Coffee launch is a self-owning we could never have dreamed of, and Aaron and April must be as dumb as dolts! …

MELTON in the MORNING! (May 9, 2023)

May 10, 2023

It’s a special Toe-tastic Tuesday, as Aaron Imholte aka Mooby imports his favorite internet boy crush, Geno Bisconte, in to his program for a couple hours of mutual tube tugging. Their backs are sure to be sore after this session! Kevin Brennan loses Round One of the week, suffering ignored calls and getting out-earned by Chad Zumock, his current nemesis. Bob Levy gives out all his stepdaughter’s info on Legion of Skanks, and this might just change everything. We watch the BS show where they don’t really address any of the serious stuff, but have Ray and Barry Ribs on to distract and amuse. We make Geno funnier with the Benny Hill Theme and some fabulously-timed bouncing emotes. …

MELTON in the MORNING! (May 8, 2023)

May 8, 2023

What a weekend, am I right? Patrick discusses the most recent drama in the MLC universe, including Ray DeVito and his obsessions with writing checks his chin can’t cash. Patrick has determined, along with religious counsel from Reverend Mir, that Ray may beyond saving. Kevin continues his weekend streaming warpath. Chad gets rattled with an unexpected attack of his friends on Friday. Patrick gets nearly $500 from a drunk fan on Saturday night. Mersh is sad and wants your good vibes. Our DISCORD is popping so come on down: https://discord.gg/wzMe88DC …

MELTON in the MORNING! April’s Tragic Beans (May 5, 2023)

May 7, 2023

It’s FRIDAY, baby! We love to see you squirm! And it’s Cinco de Mayo, but let’s not be cracking open beers at this hour, ok? Not talking to anyone specific! Just anyone. Any Floridian. Today’s Friday Art Project – design your best idea for the Steel Toe Coffee Company logo and/or label! The best part of waking up is scrimp eggs in your cup! We also discuss yesterday’s MLC fallout, discuss future possibilities with Opie and Stuttering John, and put a very naughty cherry on top for your best weekend ever! …