donkeylips Archives • NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

February 8, 2024: CHAD ZUMOCK’S Delusion Spiral! IMHOLTE Divorce Watch! Bower Has NEW Excuses?

February 8, 2024

It’s Thursday, but it might as well be Friday! After today’s show, Patrick is packing up and heading to the airport to head to Atlantic City for the rumble at the Borgata! We check in with Aaron and April and it’s going worse than you could ever imagine for the Steel Toe Morning Show. Chad Zumock is flailing around, trying to find his place in the dabbleverse. Why is his show not working? Why is his relationship with Kevin Brennan tenuous at best? Let’s go down memory lane with Chad again to find out whrere it all went wrong. Michael Ray Bower aka Donkeylips is back, but he isn’t walking while talking. We have an amazing PO Box haul! Sit tight, kids! …

January 26, 2024: STEEL TOE Struggle Show! DONKEYLIPS Goes Mobile! CRAZY JOE Is Killing It!

January 26, 2024

Happy Friday! We’ve got an extremely awkward moment from Minnesota’s favorite failed radio duo, Aaron and April Imholte. What’s going on with the couple? After opining about a renewed career in terrestrial radio and seeing their support dry up before their very eyes, what’s next for the distraught darlings of the radio dial as they hurl toward poverty? Micheal Ray Bower has figurered out how his legs work and wants you to come on a walk with him. Our old friend Crazy Joe is becoming slowly awakened to the new presence of the onions in is life again, and it’s not going to go well for the cranky old senior citizen. …

January 12, 2024: Steel Toe Fib-Fest! Catching Up With The UNHINGED! P.O. Box Surprises!

January 12, 2024

Happy Friday to you, wherever and whenever you may be. Yes, whenever. We don’t discriminate against time-travelers here. Michael Ray Bower is just about ready to launch his podcast, and it’s nothing like anything he’s described before. Is this really it? Heather Gillespie is still outside in Chicago fighting injustice and working hard to make sure she has a warm and dry place to squirt her baby out in a few weeks. Crazy Joe has become aware of the onions again, and he isn’t happy about all the attention. We do a quick peek in the P.O. Box to find a package from Flatcar Jessica and more. …

January 9, 2024: MERSH Says Don’t Worry! Bower Wants His LIFE Back! Aaron Imholte HATES Mornings!

January 9, 2024

Patrick’s here on a Tuesday to stock your stuffings with goofy goo! Hit the like button, you mortals! Sexual pest Corey Adam can’t stop coping on multiple podcasts about his status in both the comedy community and on the internet. Mersh doesn’t like the internet talking about him almost passing out on his stream. But it’s happening more and more, and how could you not be concerned for the Floridian fat man’s constant mini strokes? Michael Ray Bower has some new complaints and excuses about why he hasn’t been walking and or talking. Steel Toe Morning Show is still trying to pretend like they’re a popular growing show, while it’s more than evident that April ha most likely gone back to the work force. …

December 29, 2023: DONKEYLIPS Says EVERYTHING is PERFECT! Plus: ATLANTIC CITY Showdown?

December 29, 2023

It’s Friday, and rather than continuing our bottomless dive in to the dabble verse, let’s finish the year on some lighter, more fun fool fare. Michael Ray Bower, aka the trumpet tubby from Nickelodeon’s salute your shorts that goes by the name of Donkeylips, has some holiday messages to make even the most depressed saps perk up. Try to pull up the straps of your overalls and get through this with us, ok? It’s been a stressful year, with ups and downs, but right around the corner lies a new beginning and a fresh start. Or tons more of the same over and over again. Who knows what the future holds?
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December 18, 2023: NOBODY Likes CHAD ZUMOCK! DonkeyLips Can’t Walk! Steel Toe Numbers Are DOWN!

December 18, 2023

Patrick’s schedule is ALL WONKY for the next week or so, and you’ll just have to deal with it. The internet is a fickle mistress, and her shows are not relegated to your temporal bounding boxes, human. The Lou and KY morning show is the shining beacon of the Joey C universe. Lou looks like his teeth got in a fight and had to be seperated. Did we mention he’s dumber than potting soil? Patrick revisits Haley Sacks, a guest from NYC who had a showing so bad, she couldn’t even bear to be in the same room with Patrick ever again. Steel Toe suffers another insane defeat at the offering plate, and April comes down to give Aaron a sloppy consolation kiss before heading off to her night shift at Arby’s. Save some horsey sauce for us, Ape! …

December 4, 2023: The THACKERING Begins! Planet Goes DIRTY! Donkeylips Has BIG DREAMS!

December 4, 2023

It’s Monday, and it’s the start of a new month, and we couldn’t be happier that you’ve decided to join us here at The Onions. Patrick went to see Adam Sandler over the weekend and aside from having to watch his daughter sing a Taylor Swift cover song for nine minutes while the Sandman wept and played guitar, it was ok. We found out one of our favorite fatties has a dirty clips site and you can download a lot of gore that is sure to turn the bits and bytes on your hard drive rotten in no time. Opie Radio really is a delusional guy. Michael Ray Bower killed a cat in his dream and he thinks it’s something he needs to memorialize from a toilet vlog. Steel Toe is so far ahead of making their goals that you’re going to be sorry. Our favorite dumb financial advisor is back with a new podcast where she interviews other dumb girls about their financial mistakes and we learn nothing. …

December 1, 2023: Extra NUTS For FRIDAY! Heather G Is About To POP! Ray Still Needs Help!

December 1, 2023

Happy Friday! Patrick is extending November for one more day- at least on paper. What a volatile week it’s been for the whatever this is. Chad Zumock has turned out to be one of the worst actors, liars, and comedians of all time. The LOLs don’t stop when Chad uses his imagination to wow his audience with dumb. Heather Gillispie is finding out about Chicago winter while being pregnant and homeless, and it’s going to go bad. Bower has started his walking tours, and you won’t believe the loophole this time! Josh Denny goes to Florida and doesn’t have time to stop by Publix for a sandwich. Summer Sinclair really wants the part. Why don’t you like her? Ray Devito is moving to his mom’s friends house even those his mom is dead and he’s a fifty-year-old man with absolutely nothing going on in life. Strap in, because the phones don’t work again today! …

November 28, 2023: Happy Holidays? MAYBE NOT! Back to BASIC!

November 28, 2023

It’s Tuesday morning, and the plebs are frothing in the aisles for a new NLO. What will Patrick be mad about this morning? Will there be a classic rant against one of the fans for some minuscule reason? You can almost guarantee! We check in with some of our favorite nuts to see how they’re gearing up for the holidays. Is the loneliness enough to break some of our favorites, or will the holiday spirit prevail and allow happiness to shine forth? There’s no telling, but we are definitely here to watch it all. Mchael Ray Bower is at his lowest and his blurriest on the latest stream about his health and future plans. Steel Toe is terrified of medical news and has a cool new blackface story to tell you. Chad still has no idea what he is doing and his snipe streams are becoming less and less impressive. If you’re looking for a killer banana pudding recipe and need something to do with your gross boiled eggs. we have a woman with a few tricks up her sleeveless shirt. …

November 10, 2023 – B-DAY PARTY! Patrick’s FAVORITE Clowns of 2023! P.O. Box Treasures & More!

November 10, 2023

Come celebrate Patrick’s last day of being forty-three years old! We’ve got a lot of boxes and envelopes to sort through. Patrick also has some loose ends to tie up to make the week tidy. You can guarantee there will be some sort of Steel Toe nonsense. Patrick wants to know where Spider Alomar is hiding and why? Where is Mr. Big Shot? Chad Zumock’s roast cope train begins. Michael Ray Bower keeps warning of us of a purge…from his toilet. You won’t believe what filmmaker is working on a new cut of old footage with the laziest new character yet! Who knows what other surprises await! Come join the PARTY, baybeeeee! …

November 3, 2023 – FAT FORK FRIDAY! Josh Denny, Rodney Wayne, DonkeyLips, Chad Zumock & MORE!

November 3, 2023

Oh, no he didn’t! Patrick is making fun of fat people? What is the world coming to? Does he know he’s fat? Should he be talking like that? We check in on long-time friend of the show Josh Denny to see if his nineteenth podcast is the one that is going to catch fire. Micheal Ray Bower hates NLO and talks about Patrick like he burned his belongings. What can we do about this? Rodney Wayne has been spotted tooling around in his Nissan Altima Batmobile, and we want to know if this is normal behavior for a grown man with kids. Chad Zumock practices being pathetic in more ways than one. Come have a Friday, friends! …

October 24, 2023 – Being a LEXUS Guy, Bower is REBOOTING, Have a Slice for Training Tuesday!

October 24, 2023

Patrick is a Lexus guy now, so you’re going to need to show some appropriate respect when you address him from now on. Who knew cars could do all this stuff! What will they think of next! Summer Sinclair isn’t giving up on Hollywood and has some new audition tapes. Michael Ray Bower has a new agent and a new outlook on life. Will he be accepted by the acting community again, or is this all just another pathetic attempt at feeling better about himself? It’s Tuesday, so pin on your name tag because these salads aren’t going to make themselves. …

September 22, 2023 – The FUTURE Is BLEAK! Chad Zumock, Donkeylips & Steel Toe Are SUNSETTING!

September 22, 2023

Happy Friday, mortals! Come with us this blessed day and rejoice in the fact that your life is not hurling down a hallway of despair with limited options on the horizon. Chad Zumock can’t see the end of his career coming, but if he would just clean those fogged up Walmart specs he might have hope! Michael Ray Bower aka Donkeylips has an answer for Patrick regarding his proposition, and it’s the kind of self-sabotage that’s sure to seal his fate. All this plus your Chad Zumock podcast studio renderings in our latest fan art assignment! Strap in, ya saps! …

NLO LIVE: Tape Torching! PO Box Carnage, Summer Songs (July 14, 2023)

July 16, 2023

Happy Friday! We’ve got some songs of the Summer to serenade your cerebellum! Could there be a new contender for the NLO convenience store banger of the year? Join the pillaging of the PO Box and find the biggest haul yet. And finally, an unboxing of epic proportions that only happens once in a generation! Micheal Ray Bower’s auctioned video tape of the film The Willies has made its way to Patrick’s posession, and as promised, today is a reckoning. Join us around the Donkeylips-fueled flame as we burn a boy’s dreams just for the allure of the lols! …

NLO LIVE: Tuesday, July 11, 2023

July 16, 2023

🎥🔴 WATCH EVERY LIVE SHOW – MEMBERS ONLY! 🔴 🎥 JOIN THE YOUTUBE CHANNEL – $1.99+ MEMBERSHIP: https://www.youtube.com/@nobodylikesonions/join 📣 Join the discord: https://discord.gg/nlo 💊 Aftershow and FULL ARCHIVE available to OVERDOSE MEMBERS only! http://bit.ly/GetOverdose ========== …

NLO LIVE: KC Armstrong is a Real Boy, Bower is Crushing It (July 7, 2023)

July 9, 2023

Happy FRIDAY! Join Patrick in putting a tight bow on this weeks mayhem. We have an art contest today, and it’s sure to make KC Armstrong squirm in his pantaloons! We want to see your best homo-erotic interpretation of KC Armstrong from the Howard Stern show – whether he’s dolled up with nowhere to go, or lounging around with the “boys,” we want to see it. Michael Ray Bower has been putting out no content and wants the haters to know he is killing it. What is this delusion that once “kind-of-celebs” have that makes them thing they have the clout and skills to be big stars today? …

NLO (NOT) LIVE: Bowers Micro Peen, Erik Nagel Stinks, April’s Saucy Breast (June 23, 2023)

June 26, 2023

Happy Friday! Patrick is on vacation at the beach, but he slaved away for you yesterday pre-recording a whole show so that you chat monkeys would get your fix! Patrick has some quick thoughts about Chad and why he needs to knock it off with the constant cope-lies regarding his numbers. What is is! A listener writes in to tell Patrick that all his problems stem from pork! Micheal Ray Bower is changing up his whole auction process and he walks you through how it might probably maybe work one day. There’s an unearthed video where Bower admits to having a micro-penis and proclaiming he doesn’t care about the consequences. April Imholte has opened her social media accounts with confidence an is showing off what’s left of her family whole also displaying more cleavage in preparation for more simpcasting! …

NLO 1462: Wayne, Wayne, Go Away

April 30, 2023

Rodney Wayne, one of Earth’s slowest-brained Neanderthals, has taken months to respond to the Vegas comedy community’s critique of his gnarly appearance and disgusting talent. Wayne has incorrectly hooked up a microphone in his spare bathroom to record one of the most softboi responses to a critique he could muster, and it’s packed with lies that must now be refuted with evidence. If you’ve ever wanted to see a guy admit all his losses, insane coping rewrites of documented events, and how not to handle someone teasing you, make sure to watch this train wreck. You didn’t like Patrick showing your son on his stream? You messaged him and told him to take it down? You won’t stand for it? …