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Chad Zumock stole sandwiches from Whole Foods. Chad Zumock stole credit cards from Veterans. Chad Zumock broke in to his ex-girlfriend’s house in the middle of the night. Chad Zumock fell asleep and drove in to a tree at 3am. Chad Zumock faked getting jumped for YouTube clicks. Chad Zumock bought Twitter followers. Chad Zumock told a depressed coworker to end herself. Chad Zumock is afraid of people making fun of his videos. Chad Zumock sticks up for himself with fake social media accounts. Chad Zumock is banned from comedy clubs for being a nuisance. …

Come on baby, light my fire. Come on daddy, fill my tire. Come on Jerry you’re a liar. Most birds are classified as flyers. Let’s go hang in the shire. Things are looking pretty dire. …

Get stroked about it, querms! Patrick is back after a week of insane breakdowns and lots of build up, but the dentist could be handling that for him this weekend, if you know what I mean! I don’t know why I said that. It’s not coded. I have a dentist appointment. I also just switched to first person. It’s just me. I’m so alone. Come drink with me on this Friday of L’s I’ve been stacking up lately! …

Come join Patrick and a cast of imaginary friends as they set sail for whimsy aboard the USS Rainbow. Will they ever find the magic starfish medallion? Can they rescue the mermaid from the pirates before her time runs out? Ask the gamekeepers, man! We are here to chill about it! …

Michael Ray Bower aka Donkeylips is in Pennsylvania and doing a media tour for a nostalgic Nickelodeon convention he is signing pictures at this weekend. It’s a different Bower than we’ve recently seen at home depressed. Mersh is a character and we can’t stop watching him dream of success while wasting all his money gambling on women’s tennis.Aaron Imholte has given up and knows it won’t be long before he’s selling cars or hot dogs downtown. You won’t believe the laziness! …